This mother’s day I will be doing something different in celebration of my daughter Lynley. I will be standing on Mother’s Day Sunday at church when they ask all the mothers to stand. You see Lynley was my sweet baby who didn’t live outside of the womb. I aborted her when I was 30 years old. The shame that I hadn’t given my baby life always kept me from acknowledging I was a mother. But not this Mother’s Day.
I am able to do this as I have received healing and forgiveness for my abortion. I want to offer that same healing to women (and men) who are reading my post today. I know this is not an easy topic to address, but one I feel the Lord wanted me to share with you.
Before I became a born again Christian, I lived a very worldly life. Sexual relationships with unhealthy men was my norm. A fast paced life as a MBA in the corporate world running after success and money. This coupled with carrying the pain of an abusive childhood caused me to crash and hit bottom at age 30. I was diagnosed with a clinical suicidal depression and hospitalized. In the midst of this, I got pregnant by my boyfriend who my doctors were trying to seperate me from because he was abusive.
I was so happy to be pregnant when the home pregnancy test came back positive. Joy filled me. I had always wanted to be a mother, but wondered how could I possibly me one now. I was so ill and depressed, fighting for my life every day. My doctors, fearing I couldn’t sustain a pregnancy, recommended a ‘therapeutic’ abortion, to save the life of the mother, me, over the unborn child.
My Catholic psychiatrist even told me the Catholic church, which I had grown up in, would agree. I was so worried the baby would be deformed on the powerful medications I was taking. My parents did not offer me any help, refusing me shelter to raise my baby in. Helpless, on disability I did not know where to turn. I did not know about Christian crisis pregnancy centers or help within the Christian community. I listened to the worldly advice and scheduled the abortion at my hospital.
A few days before, I changed my mind and wanted to keep my baby. My parents and boyfriend refused me any promise of financial help or shelter. I was alone and abandoned. Trapped.
I cried the whole way through the abortion as my baby was suctioned out of me. My girlfriend held my hand and her knuckles were white from my grip. I screamed in pain and afterward threw up in the sink. My baby was gone.
But there is hope in my story. You see my baby, whom I named Lynley, had a soul and spirit upon conception. In the Bible it says of God: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13.) God breathed life into her. She had a beating heart as early as 21 days. She was not a blob of tissue as Planned Parenthood will tell you.
When I aborted her, her soul and spirit returned to God where she is alive in Heaven, waiting for me to join her. How do I know this for certainty? God promises us in the Bible: “and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. (Ecclesiastes 12:7.)
I was blessed to find healing through the love of women at a Christian pregnancy center near my home. I read and worked through the workbook entitled: Forgiven and Set Free: A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women by Linda Cochrane with a class of women. I found healing for my abortion 22 years later.
We studied Scripture that told me who I was in Jesus, and that I was forgiven for even the sin of aborting my child. I learned others had sinned against me by not offering help to me and their child and grandchild. I found comfort in knowing they would be held accountable by God one day but God was calling me to even forgive them.
I found understanding of the grief process a woman (and man) goes through. How to be set free from the horrible shame, secrecy, and darkness I felt. I learned Jesus came to shed His healing light into our darkness. To free us from the bonds of guilt, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders, all symptoms of Post Abortion Stress Syndrome. (PASS).
I was overjoyed to discover that I get my daughter back. I know I will spend eternity with her as I have received the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. He promises us eternal life, free of any pain or tears, if we trust Him as our Lord and Savior.
This means we ask Him for forgiveness of our sins, sins He took on the cross for us so we could spend eternity with Him. Because He rose from the dead on the third day, we are promised that same resurrection when we die, to receive a new glorified body in heaven, where there is only light.((1 Corinthians 15:44; Romans 6:5: For since we have become one with Him by sharing in His death, we shall also be one with Him by sharing in His resurrection).
If you have had an abortion, or played a part in a decision for abortion, asking for and receiving the Lord’s forgiveness is the key to healing. If so, please pray this prayer.
Dear Jesus: I thank you that you have received my baby’s (babies) souls into Heaven where I can see them again one day. I ask you to forgive my sins and come into my heart as my Lord and Savior today. I believe you died on the cross for me and rose from the dead so I could have eternal life with you in Heaven. Heal my heart from the pain of my abortion(s) and set me free so I can live a life free from the past. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
If you are pregnant, know there are options for you besides abortion.
Contact a Christian crisis pregnancy center or pregnancy resource center and go for an appointment. Google on the Internet or look in the yellow pages for their number and address.
Call a confidential pregnancy hot-line such as 1-800-BETHANY. They will help you understand your options for either adoption or keeping your baby and help you with resources to do so (even if your family abandoned you and you are homeless). And most likely give you an ultrasound of your baby where you can see its heart beating. All for FREE.
Talk to your pastor or minister in confidence. Tell a trustworthy friend.
Give life to your baby and for you too! Abortion doesn’t just murder your baby, it murders your soul as well.
If you have had an abortion:, Attend a class for post abortive women (or men) offered at a Christian pregnancy resource center or church. Many have classes and retreats you can take to help you work through the process of healing. There is also a workbook for men entitled: Healing a Father’s Heart: A Post-Abortive Bible Study for Men by Linda Cochrane.
As part of my healing process, I celebrated the life of my child in Heaven. I was encouraged to do something creative to thank Jesus for keeping care of my daughter. I decided to paint a picture of Lynley’s resurrected spirit to thank Him and bring me peace.
I also planted a tree for her in Israel through www.treesfortheholyland.com. I am a Jewish Christian and love Israel, having been in ministry there for many years. Planting a tree is a symbol of giving life. In Judaism, each letter of the Hebrew alphabet has a numerical value. The letter Chet equals the number 18. Chai which means life consists of the letter Chet symbolizing the number 18. Therefore, it costs $18 to plant a tree and give life. In return for doing so, I was blessed with a beautiful watercolor reproduction of a Jerusalem scene with a commemoration of my daughter. It read :
A Tree had been planted in the Holy Land, In Celebration of Lynley, my daughter, For her heavenly homecoming, April 1991, Planted by Your ima (mother) Miriam.
I now have peace when I look at it framed on my wall. I no longer feel shame or guilt. I can acknowledge myself as a mother and tell others about my daughter now. I am excited to see her one day soon and hold her in my arms for the first time. I am forgiven and set free.
Will you find the peace and forgiveness only Jesus can bring to you today?
If you need a confidential ear please feel free to leave me a private message at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am here to help you.
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To see my art click on my art above or at www.giftsofhisglory.com